Devil Hunter Yohko Fanfic
Chris Schumacher 

----> Begin Mamono Hunter Ranma 1/2 #1
Author's Foreword:I think this might take a while to explain,
as a break from the Crys Saga, I've decided to work on an
idea that's been nagging at me for quite a while. While
reading Steve Tsai's "Sailor Ranma" I got to thinking.....
If we could cross Ranma and Sailor moon, why can't we cross
Mamono Hunter Yohko and Ranma 1/2? This FanFic will be wacky,
zany, strange, errie, frightening, and a little obscene in
parts. But, then again, what are FanFics for? Also, I stole
the idea of the transformation of Ranma into MH Ranma from
Sailor Ranma. So, let's just get that out of the way here
and now. Also, to Megazone, this is NOT an ongoing series,
there will probably only be three installements, if that, so
they can be "Glued" together.
Secondary Note:This follows MHY a lot more closely than
SR follows Sailor Moon. So, be forewarned.
(We hear a clicking noise. The real irritating music that
greets every episode of MHY starts up. We see an image of
Ranma-Chan wielding a soul sword as she jumps across the
screen. It fades away to the logo)
                 MAMONO HUNTER RANMA 1/2
(We see a serene clearing with a tree in it. Ukyo and Ranma
are sitting under it)
Ranma:Ukyo, I just want you to know, this is my first time.
Ukyo:Mine too.
(We cut ahead to them lying on top of each other. A tentacle
starts to wrap around Ukyo's leg.)
Ukyo:Ranma, you're so aggresive. Ulp!
(We see that a huge monster is appearing behind them. The
tentacle is connected to it. It pulls Ukyo up and shoves it
near its mouth)
(Ukyo turns around in one last futile glance. Her faces
becomes that of a zombie.)
(He closes his eyes tight in fear. He wakes up. A frying
pan falls on him and he falls out of bed)
Genma:Not good, son. You're reflexes were .5 seconds slower
this time. And before, they weren't that good.
Ranma:For cripes sake, pop, I was sleeping!
Genma:(Holding forward finger and speaking in authoritive
tone) Women are born with dexterity, men only strength. You
must never forget that.
Ranma:(Sigh) Yes, Grandfather. (To himself) And it's like
this every morning!
(Author's note:Yes, in this FanFic, Genma is Ranma's
Grandfather. Don't like it? Tough.)
(We see them go out to breakfast. It is not the Tendou Dojo,
it is an apartment somewhere in Nerima)
Nodoka:Did you sleep well, Ranma?
Ranma:Ah, yeah, sorta.
Nodoka:Remember son, the more rest you get, the more
powerful your sex drive is.
Ranma:(Blsuhing) Ah, yeah. Whatever.
(He starts to shovel his breakfast into his mouth. Genma
sits down. He places a bowl in the middle of the table,
and ladels some of the soup for himself. Nodoka does as
Nodoka:Ah, a nice traditonal breakfast of Miso soup and rice.
(Starts to drink it, then stares down at it) But, as usual.
Genma:Oh, really? I thought it was just fine.
Nodoka:(Rising) Father, weren't you the one who told me that
thick soup lowers your response time?
Genma:Well, I don't see why it should matter to YOU.
(Genma stands as well.)
Ranma:(Sigh) Not again.... (He rises as well.) Contestants..
go! (He clanks his chopsticks on the bowl)
(Genma and Nodoka start grappling. Ranma just sits and
finishes his breakfast)
Nodoka:Hey Ranma, have you lost "it" yet?
Ranma:Huh? Lost what?
Nodoka:Why, a Tennage boy's most precious "it" that's what!
Ranma:(Face-faults) How could you ask such a question at
Genma:Why bother asking such a question at all, Nodoka?
Unlike you, Ranma is not some Jigollo that goes chasing
skirts and sleeping with every girl who would have him!
Ranma:(Rises chopsticks in salute) Right on!
Nodoka:I don't approve of the way you've raised my son,
Genma:Well, I raised him a lot better than you and that
jerk Soun ever would have!
(Author's note:Live with it.)
Nodoka:I've heard of enough of that! Insulting Ranma's
father in front of his face! How dare you!
Ranma:(Rising) Thank you for breakfast.
Genma:'Eh? (Looking at table) But there's still food left!
Ranma:Sorry, I wasn't that hungry.
(He puts on his backpack and starts to go out the door.)
Nodoka:Wait, don't forget these. (She tosses him a case.)
Ranma:(Grabbing it) Are these what I think they are?
Nodoka:Don't be a goose, no High School student should be
without them. (Ranma opens the case. It is full of disks.
He leaps back in terror)
Ranma:Microsoft Word? Mom, you've always known I was a
Wordperfect man!
(We cut to a few minutes later. Ranma is leaning against a
railing. Ukyo is walking across the street far below)
Ranma:Hey, Ucchan! (He waves. Ukyo waves back)
(We cut to about ten feet behind Ranma. Sitting on the
stairs to an apartment complex is Shampoo. She looks love-
Shampoo:Oh, darling Ranma....
(Nabiki approaches)
Nabiki:Hey, Shampoo, you can't get a crack at him from all
the way over here.
Nabiki:Wait, I have something just adorable to show you.
(Ranma is still looking over the railing at Ukyo. Nabiki
comes behind him and lifts up the sleeves of one of his
Nabiki:What adorable pecs!
Shampoo:This is...too much.... (Blood runs out of her nose,
and she passes out)
Nabiki:Sorry, I was just performing a little service for
a social unfortunate. Either she is too proud to take
charity or your assests were too much for her to handle.
(Drops his sleeve) But seriously..... (Laughs)
(Author's Note:Sometimes, characters fit like a glove)
Ranma:Oh, that Shampoo. Uck! She is so bizzare! Now, her
on the other hand. (Looks over the railing)
(We hear a distant school bell going off)
Nabiki:Hmmm? I hear a bell.
Ranma:You must be hearing things, because if that was a bell
Ranma,Shampoo&Nabiki:Then we're late!
(We see a whip snap.)
Principal:Aloha! Late again, I see.
Nabiki:I knew he was strict, but I never knew the principal
was into S&M!
Shampoo:He's in a worse mood than usual!
Ranma:(Mellow Laugh)
Principal:And what pathetic excuse have you cooked up for
me this time?
Ranma:Well, you see, Nabiki had her hand up my shirt and...
Principal:(Slapping whip against his hand) YOU CALL THAT AN
All Three:We won't do it again, Sir!
Principal:Now, get off to class!
(They start to march off.)
Principal:Wait, you! (Points to Shampoo) I want to see you
in my office after school. Any objections to that?
(We cut to after school. Shampoo is in front of the
Principals office. She is about to knock)
Principal:(From Behind door) Come in.

(We cut to a pool. Ranma and Nabiki are sitting at a table.
Ranma is looking bored, and Nabiki is eating everything in
Ranma:(Disgusted Look) Maybe you should consider going on
a diet.
Nabiki:Shut up! I don't eat as much as you!
Ranma:But I exercise more.
Nabiki:(Puts finger under eyes and sticks out tounge) Pbbbb!!
Ranma:Ah, a last Crepe. (She snatches it from her plate.)
Nabiki:Hey, I was saving that!
Ranma:Too bad. (He dodges. He jumps next to the pool and
prepares to eat it) Ahh, thank you Joe Crepe. (He starts to
bite into it. Nabiki snatches it from him. He starts to
tetter on the side of the pool, but catches his balance.)
Ranma:Whew! That was close!
(Suddenly, a meteor strikes him and knocks him into the pool.
 Nabiki grabs it. She eats the crepe with the other hand.
She eats it EXTREMELY fast)
Nabiki:Hey, this meteorite has doubled my agility!
(DragonQuest III joke) Ah well, I have no use for it.
(She tosses it into the pool)
(We see Ranma falling,falling,falling, etc....)
Ranma:And I thought this was the shallow end!
(A huge monster appears near the bottom of the pool. It's
tentacles reach up and grab Ranma. We cut to the Principals
office, where the Prinicpal is watching this on TV. A
pentacle shaped antennae extrudes from the top of the TV)
Principal:(Between Twinkies) Ha, now that's comedy!
Nabiki:Ranma? Ranma? How long are you planning on staying
down there?
(We see that Ranma is starting to turn red. He screams out,
we can hear it muffled somewhat)
Ranma:Hiryuu Shoutenha!
(He raises his fist in triumph, the whirlwind tears the
creature apart, and Ranma floats to the surface. We cut
to the principals office. The Pentacle-shaped antennae starts
to glow. Suddenly a hand comes out of it. It opens and we
see a little man in the hand)
Voice:You have been a thorn in my side for far too long
Avatar! Your two worlds shall be crushed, Brittania first...
Wait a second, this isn't Pagan! (The hand closes over the
man, and pulls back into the pentacle) Sorry about this.
(Then the TV explodes)
Principal:Damn it! And I just made the last payment on that
too! (Kicks it) Damn you, Saotome!
(Cut back to the pool)
Nabiki:Sorry, Ranma, I didn't mean to drown you.
Ranma:Oh, it's okay....I...
Kunou:Hello. Ranma Saotome, isn't it?
(They both look up. Kunou is standing there)
Kunou:Here, borrow my anvil. (He drops an anvil into the
water. Ranma grabs it and sinks to the bottom) Oh, so sorry.
(He leaves laughing)
Nabiki:God, what a prick!
(Ranma floats to the surface)
Nabiki:Are you okay?
Ranma:I...(spits water) think so.
(Note:He's still a man)
(We cut to about half-an-hour later. We see Ranma's
reflection in a fishbowl)
Ranma:Chico! Chico!
Nabiki:Are you sure you're alright?
Ranma:Si, Senorita.
Nabiki:(Smacks him) Better now?
Nabiki:I had better walk you home.
Ranma:No thanks, I can make it home by myself.
Nabiki:Fine. Ciao.
(Ranma starts to walk off. Then we notice a slickly dressed
woman leaning against a car.)
Ranma:(Turning) 'Eh?
Ranma:(Looking at her closely) Shampoo?
Shampoo:It is I.
Ranma:What happened? You look so different.
Shampoo:I have come to a decision, Ranma. I have decided to
invest in T-Bills and CDs.
(Dragon Knight III joke)
Shampoo:But that isn't important now. Ranma, I think it is
time we get to know each other better.
(Cut ahead to 10 minutes later)
Ranma:And then, my Grandfather trades me to Makimura-san
for some fish and rice...and then....
(Cut Ahead to 20 minutes later)
Ranma:And then, my grandfather and Kuonji-san decided that
I must choose between Ukyo and Okynomaki....
(Cut ahead to 30 minutes later)
Ranma:And then, George said to Jane "How do I stop this
crazy thing"?
Shampoo:That isn't what I meant.
Ranma:Oh, what did you mean?
Shampoo:I meant... (Whispers something in his ear.)
Ranma:Ha! With a wacked-out, oversexed, homicidal girl like
Shampoo:You're going to do it, whether you like it or not.
(Shampoo grabs Ranma and kisses him. Ranma blinks and his
eyes turn a pinkish color)
Ranma:I've got to start using Visane.
(We cut to the hotel scene. Don't make me describe this one,
it is shorter, for obvious reasons, and it is interesting
how it ends.)
Genma:(Breaks down the door and throws the Sanskript tag
at Shampoo's head. She falls over on the bed and a black
shadow comes out of her.) It seems I got here just in time.
Ranma:(Coming out of his trance) Grandfather!
Genma:It seems that Shampoo was possessed by more than just
lust. (Shampoo falls over.)
Ranma:(Pulling his clothes on) Come on grandfather...
Genma:How old is this girl?
Genma:Life's a bitch, isn't it?
(They both relunctanly leave)
Ranma:Where's your motorcycle?
Genma:You know as well as I do that I can't drive!
Ranma:Oh yeah, I forgot.
(We cut ahead to Genma's secret room. We see a computer
****      Secret Mamono Hunter Network                  ****
****    Password:Who cut the cheese?                    ****
****    Identicode:Mamono Hunter Sinclair               ****
****                Mamono Hunter Sheridan              ****
****                                                    ****
****                                                    ****
****                                                    ****
**** Extra:Isn't Deep Space Nine the lamest thing       ****
**** you've ever seen?                                  ****
****  Access Granted!                                   ****
****                                                    ****
(We see them going down in the elevated-platform type thing)
Ranma:Didn't I see this in the "E Tsu Touchdown" video?
Genma:Shut up! Do you think props are cheap?
(They get down to "The Secret Training room. A long scroll
is layed across the table. It has several things scrawled
on it in Japanese. Among them "Akkiko is an old bag!"
"Why am I blue?" and "Who ate all the Crackling Oat Bran?")
Genma:In the beginning, there were two forces. Those of good,
which consists of almost all human beings, excluding Politi-
cans and Kennedy's. And on the other side are those of the
darkness. Mamono's, as we call them. It has been our task,
as the Saotome family, to seek out these devils when they
attempt to infiltrate our realm. (Behold! He points to a
shelf) We're out of doughnuts!
Genma:Sorry. (Clear throat) Behold, even now, the moons of
our dimensions align, and during that time, the Demons can
stand on human soil! They rejoice, and eat our doughnuts,
anticipating the rebirth of their dark
Ranma:You were just about to say Dark Queen?
Genma:Yeah, THAT distracted me. (He points to a cup with
a red spoon sticking out of it. It is labeled "Dairy Queen")
Ranma:Oh, I thought it didn't matter what sex they were.
Genma:Of course it does!
(He holds up a vial)
Genma:When you douse yourself with this, you will become
your Mamono Hunter form. In this form, all evil will flee
from you. You will also return to this form everytime you
are splashed with cold water.
Ranma:Wait a second, if this is hereditary, then why can't
Mom do it?
Genma:Because she's a WOMAN!
Ranma:Oh, yeah, I forgot. (Thought) Sexist fanfic. Anyway,
if you are a Mamono Hunter, that what is your form?
Genma:(Dumps a bucket of cold water over himself. He turns
into a Panda)
Genma:(Nods.) [I can hold no enemity to those concerned
with evil. But to those vile beings who toy with the souls of
men, since the time of ancient gods, we have been your
destroyers. Mamono Hunter 107th Generation Genma Saotome is
here, beware!] (Smaller sign) [I love that old spiel!]
Ranma:What the Hell is that supposed to mean?
Genma:(Dumping hot water onto himself) Just a warning to
the Mamonos.
Ranma:Aye. You change back with hot water?
Genma:Right. (He holds forth the vial) Are you ready to
accept this? To become the 108th Generation of Mamono
Ranma:(Backing away) I don't know if I'm ready yet.
Genma:Well...the time will come. Of that, I have no doubt.
Now, sleep well, and watch yourself! This is evils-eve!
Anything can happen!
(They are back upstairs now. We see a familar figure go
out past the window. He turns and looks in)
Elvis:Uh-huh! (He walks away)
(We cut to Ranma lying on his bed)
Ranma:Grandfather sure takes this Mamono Hunter stuff
seriously! (He falls asleep)
(We cut to the next day. Ukyo is at the principals door)
Principal:Come in!
(We cut to Ranma coming into the school)
Ranma:Where is everyone? There wasn't another bomb-threat,
was there? (He walks to his locker and opens it up. There is
a red rose in it, with a note underneath. He picks up the
note and reads it)
Kunou Voicever:Dear Sir, if you do not return the towels,
ashtrays, showercurtain and light bulbs that you took from
my mansion when you were there last, we shall be forced to
punish you to the fullest extent of the law. -Tatewaki Kunou
Ranma:What the Hell.... (He turns it over) Oh, I see...
Kunou Voicever:Dear Ranma, if you are concerened about the
health of Nabiki Tendo, you should make her some chicken
soup. But if you want her to live, you had better come out
behind the school, right away. If you don't there will
literally be hell to pay.   -The Dark King.
Ranma:What an iditot, re-using stationary like that!
(We see that it has the Kunou logo on it. The words start
dripping off the paper. He drops the note) He uses a cheap
pen as well.
(We see Ranma walking out back.)
Ranma:Nabiki? Nabiki?
(He looks up and sees her glued to a tree. He jumps off and
pulls her off)
Ranma:You okay, Nabiki?
Nabiki:(Opens her eyes. They turn pinkish) Ranma.
(She grabs him and throws into a gazeboo type structure.
Suddenly, thousands of sticky threads stick to him and hold
him aloft.)
Principal:Yes, that's right. Kill her, Nabiki.
Nabiki:Yeah, blood. heh-heh, cool. Heh-heh. This axe sucks.
Ranma:Nabiki, snap out of it!
Nabiki:Heh-heh, they should give you the chair. Yeah, heh-heh
the chair.
Principal:Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a little ceremony
to perform. Come along Kunou.
Ranma:You've got to be kidding, Kunou's the Dark King?
Wait a second, I already knew that! Duh....
Principal:(Evil Smile) But that's not all! (She lifts a hand
and a comatose body of Ukyo comes out of the pond)
Prinicpal:Kunou, get to the top of the tower, I'll meet you
Principal:Kill her, Nabiki.
Nabiki:Heh-heh. Cool. Fire, fire!!! (She pulls out a flame
Ranma:Holy shit!
(Suddenly, a Sanskirpt tag flies down. It hits Nabiki in
the forehead, and she falls down, we see the darkness leave
Principal:Who's out there? (He looks around. Up on a cliff,
Genma(Panda) stands)
Genma:[I can hold no enemity against those concerned with
evil. But to those beings who toy with the souls of men,
since the time of ancient gods, we have been your destroyers.
The 107th generation of Mamono Hunters, Genma Saotome is
here, beware!] (The Principal is looking into the woods,
and not up at the cliff. Genma picks up a rock and throws
it at the principal.)
Principal:Aloha! What was that? (He looks up and sees Genma)
Genma:[Up here. Yes, that's right, me!] (He then holds up
the other HUGE sign. He then jumps down)
Principal:Oooh, I'm really scared. And how are you going to
defeat me? (Genma slams the HUGE sign into the principal,
he falls.) Well...that was...creative. (Collapses)
Genma:[Here, son] (Ranma is now free of the threads. Genma
throws him the vial)
Ranma:Why can't you do it, pop?
Genma:[Union Restrictions]
Ranma:Damn, sounds like a cop-out to me.
Genma:[Drawing of the middle finger]
(Ranma goes to the entrance to the tower. It is a simple
kind of lock, the plastic kind you find in cereal boxes.
Ranma turns the rectangle around 190-Degrees and then takes
the lock off. He goes in.)
Demon Voice:Come on, 108th Generation of Mamono Hunter
Ranma Saotome. Come witness the rebirth of the Dark King,
and the start of the Kunou fast food franchise!
(We see that there is a huge "K" at the top of the building)
(We cut to the top of the tower. Kunou is dubbed up in all
these evil armor stuff. Ukyo just stands there, dazed)
Demon Voice:Now, Tatewaki Kunou, consumate your role, and
become our Dark King!
(Kunou reachs over to Ukyo, touches her and....grabs her
wallet. He opens it up and takes out all the money. He holds
it to the sky and laughs)
(The door blows open.  and Ranma walks in)
Ranma:I can hold no enemity against those concerned with evil.
Ranma:But to those beings who toy with the souls of men,
since the time of ancient gods, we have been your destroyers.
The 108th Generation of Mamono Hunters, Ranma Saotome. (Pops
the lid of the vial) is here!
(He dumps the solution on himself. He becomes a girl. He
looks at himself)
Ranma:What the hell?!!! I've turned into a girl!
Kunou:(Falling off the dais) Haha! That's the funniest thing
I've ever seen! Hahaha!!!!! (Wipes a tear from his eye. )
Well, time to die. Spirit-Bokken, appear! (An evil looking
Bokken appears)
Ranma:Well, I don't need weapons. Charge!
(He runs forward. Kunou jumps out of the way)
Kunou:Too slow, LOSER! (He chops up Ranma's clothing.)
Ranma:How dare you! It's worse enough that I'm a girl, now
you have to do this!
Kunou:On the contrary, I think it looks quite arrousing. If
only I didn't have to kill you. Oh well, live's a bitch.
Live with it. (He strikes again. Ranma backs away. He jumps
up onto the altar, and sees that he is about to fall off the
side of the tower)
Ranma:Ahh......(Regains his balance. He makes the "V" for
victory. But Kunou soon catches up)
Kunou:Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
(The air pressure causes the altar and the stone behind it
to break. Kunou doesn't notice this. He leaps after Ranma.
Ranma jumps off the altar and lands sideways on a column.
Kunou jumps onto the altar. It finally gives way, and Kunou
is thrown off the edge of the tower)
Kunou:I'll get you....Ranma Saotome!!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly, the whole towers starts to shudder and creak.)
Ranma:Time to make a quick retreat. (He runs to a door
marked "Elevator")
(He gets back to the apartment. Genma,Nabiki,and Shampoo
are sitting, gorged at the table)
Genma:Sorry, Ranma. But we didn't want to wait up!
Ranma:YOU JERK!!!!!!!!!!
(Ending Credits)
Written By:Chris Schumacher
Special Thanks to;
J. Micheal Straczynski
The Dragon Quest III people
The Dragon Knight III people
That guy I saw on the street the other day who gave me
a quarter.
Afterword.....I can't belive it! I just sat here for an
hour-and-a-half and churned this out! I hope you all like it
, I certainly had fun writing it!
Coming Soon;
Ranma 1/2:The Crys Saga #16
Mamono Hunter Ranma 1/2 #2

--->Begin Mamono Hunter Ranma 1/2 #2
Author's Note:The first part of this short series is avaiable
from .
(We hear the usual startup to MHY, but we see that the
silouthee is of Ranma-Chan and not Yohko)
(We have a slow pan against Nerima. It is midnight, and a
storm is raging.)
Voiceover:At the dawn of time, two powers arose from the
chaos. One sought preservation. (We see the rain hitting the
grass in a park and feeding it) One sought destruction.
(A bolt of lightning hits a tree trunk and vaporizes it)
It was decided by the great one that these forces could only
live in balance. Over time, the residents of the universe
lived in harmony. But, as we all know, nothing lasts forever.
The destructors, the Echotri, otherwise known as Mamonos,
seek to appease the dark sides of the souls of humans.
The others, who serve balance, and wish to preserve, have
but one family line left in all of the human race. They are
the Saotome family, eternally dedicated to eradicating evil
wherever it may appear. This is the story of the 108th
Generation of Mamono Hunters. This is the story of....
                 MAMONO HUNTER RANMA 1/2
                    PART II:THE RETURN OF KUNOU
Written By:Chris Schumacher
Dedicated to:That guy on the street the other day who gave
me a quarter.
(We see the tower where the ceremony of ressurection took
place in the last episode. When a bolt of lighting lights
up the sky, we can see it a little better. The entire top of
it has been blown off. We quickly pan to the ground. There
is a crater, with the still form of a man in it.)
Kunou:(Hoarsily) I will return......Ranma Saotome.
(Suddenly, we see a shadow overcome him. Something has come
between him and the street light. We see the shadow, it is
in the shape of a man. He nods slowly. We cut to the sky,
where there is a flash of lightning followed by a crack of
(We cut to Ranma's bedroom. He is tossing and turning. He
is having a terrible nightmare.)
Ukyo:Raaaannmaaaa......Yoouuu leeettt meeee diiiieeee!!!
Ranma:No! I never had a chance to save you! I was too late!!!
Ukyo:I am dead because of you!
Ranma:You've got to listen to me!
Ukyo:As you took my life, I shall take yours...
(A red blast of energy comes from Ukyo's hand. It strikes
Ranma and vaporizes him. Ranma sits up in bed. He has broken
out in a cold sweat.)
(We cut to the next morning. Ranma comes out of his room,
and he sees Genma and Nodoka preparing to leave with
backpacks strapped to their backs.)
Ranma:And just where the hell do you think you're going?
Genma:Well, since we now have the 108th generation of Mamono
Hunters for real, I can finally take a vacation. Have fun.
Nodoka:Listen to your grandfather, he is very wise. Take
care of yourself, honey. And remember, don't have unprotected
Genma:Come on Nodoka, the plane leaves in less than an hour!
Ranma:(Following them down the stairs) Where are you going?
Genma:We're going to China.
Ranma:And you're FLYING? Gramps, whenever WE went to China,
we had to swim!
Genma:Well, we're not taking you along, so we can fly. Bye,
(He slams the door.)
Ranma:What a prick.....(Looks at watch) Oh no, it's 7:30!
(Runs towards the bathroom) I'm going to be late to work!
(He runs past a calander on the wall. He suddenly halts and
goes back to check it) Oh, it's Sunday. Whew!
(We see a bus pull up. A familar looking girl gets off. She
looks around. And the bus pulls away, she looks beside her
and see that something is missing. She starts running after
the bus)
Girl:Hey, I forgot my suitcase, wait up!
(The bus doesn't stop. The girls appears to be getting
(We cut to the living room of the Saotome place)
Ranma:So, Nabiki, what do you think of this whole business?
Nabiki:I see that there are great opprutunites to capitalize
on this. Imagine, Demon Cleanings for 120,000 yen a pop!
It would be like a real live Ghostbusters!
Ranma:I'm not going to be some stupid Rent-a-cop or
Nabiki:But you're throwing away a fortune!
(We hear a screech outside. Nabiki and Ranma run to the
window. Outside, we see a tipped over bus, and an angry girl
pulling a suitcase out of it.)
Nabiki:Jesus Christ, do you know who that is?
Nabiki:That's my cousin, Akane!
(Author's Note:Like it or lump it!)
(Akane goes to a nearby bench. An old man is sitting on it)
Akane:Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get to....
Old Man:Strawberry Fields?
Akane:Huh? Actually, I wanted to know how to find
the Saotome residence.
Old Man:Saotome residence...No, don't know anything about
that. This here behind me is the cursed bank.
Akane:(Looking behind him) The cursed bank?
Old Man:There is a legend that, 10 years ago, a man bought
some stocks there, and they plummeted overnight, and he
commited suicide.
Akane:So? That isn't so unusual.
(The old man starts to look angry)
Old Man:Mock me, will ya? GET OUT OF HERE!
Akane:Fine! Pbbbbbbbb!
(She keeps wandering)
Ranma:Why is she so destructive?
Nabiki:We believe she was born under a bad sign.
(There is some pounding on the door)
Nabiki:That's her! I'll slip out the back....
Ranma:But why....(It's too late, she's already slipped out
the back. Ranma sighs and answers the door)
Akane:Are you Ranma Saotome?
Ranma:The last time I checked.
Akane:A yes or no would have been sufficent.
Ranma:Okay. No then.
Akane:(Growling) I'm starting to hate you already.
(We cut to a few minutes later.  Ranma and Akane are sitting
across from each other with a coffee table in between.)
Ranma:So, let me get this straight. You are the Grandaughter
of a friend of my grandfathers, and you have come here to
train as a Mamono Hunter?
Ranma:Er....But...I don't think you can.
Akane:Why not?
Ranma:Well.....(He tries to loosen his collar. He's sweating
quite a bit) According to all the books I've read on the
matter, and the things that Grandfather has told me, only
men can be Mamono hunters.
Ranma:I'm sorry, I don't make the rules...
Akane:Then why did my grandfather send me here?
Ranma:I think I know why....You don't have any brothers,
do you?
Akane:No, I don't. Why?
Ranma:That would explain it. Also, if I am correct, only
Saotomes can be Mamono Hunters. (Akane starts scuffling
around in her purse for something) So, even if you were a
man....What's that?!!!
(Akane is holding up a vial containing a blue liquid. With
the exception of the color of the liquid, it's the exact
same kind as the vial that Ranma used in the last episode.)
Akane:Grandfather gave this to me before I left.
Ranma:That's the transformation cordial!
Akane:Yes! (Excited) When used, it allows the Mamono Hunter
to take on the form of its animal counterpart!
Ranma:Animal counterpart?
Akane:Hai! They turn into the animal in nature that they
are most like! (Smiling) What animal do you turn into?
(There is a knock on the door)
Ranma:(Thought) Thank you....
(He gets up and answers it)
Man:I'm collecting for the anime deprived.
Man:Do you have any spare tapes or Manga you would like to
donate? We're trying to help those poor wretched souls in
places like the US experience anime, which their culture
has deprived them of.
Ranma:Go away!
Man:But wait....(Ranma slams the door in his face)
Ranma:I can't believe the weird people who are on the
streets these days. (He sees that the living room is empty)
Akane? (He looks into the door leading into the basement)
Akane:(From the kitchen) I'm in here!
(Ranma enters the kitchen. Akane is wearing an apron and
cooking up something.)
Ranma:What are you making?
Akane:Yes, it's German. I think.*
(*-Yes, I know it's Italian)
Ranma:When will it be ready? (She takes a dish out of the stove.) Try
Ranma:Sure. (He takes a bite. He starts to turn bluish-green)
It's very...interesting. Excuse me.
(He runs into the bathroom. We hear puking sounds coming
from the bathroom)
(We cut to several hours later. Akane and Ranma are both
watching TV. Maison Ikkou goes to a break)
Ranma:I can't believe you convienced me to watch this sappy
Akane:Shut up!
(Suddenly, the screens breaks away to static. It then turns
blue, like the face of a pond. A red face appears out of it.
It appears to be dormant. It opens its eyes)
Red Guy:Avatar! Know that Brittania has entered into a new
age of enlightenment. Know that the time has finally come
for the truly leader of.......(He squints, and shifts his
eyes back and forth, looking at Akane and Ranma)
Red Guy:I take it neither of you is the Avatar.
Ranma:Not the last time I checked.
Guardian:(Red Guy) Damn! Sorry for the disturbance. Bye-bye.
(He closes his eyes and fades back into the blueness. It
fades slowly back to normal TV)
Akane:Well that was...unusual.
(Suddenly, Kunou's face appears on the screen. The commerical
is still going on in back of him.)
Kunou:Ranma Saotome! Know that I, Tatewaki Kunou, the Dark
King, stll live! Know that I will have my vengeance upon
thee, Ranma Saotome!
Ranma:(To Akane) They appear to have the same speech writer.
Kunou:Silence! Meet me tomorrow on the refurbished top of
the tower in Furinkan Park. If you are not there...
Ranma:There will be literally Hell to pay?
Kunou:Just try to keep that smugness when I banish your
soul to hell!
(He leaves the screen)
Akane:Who was that? old friend of mine.
(We cut ahead to Dawn. Ranma is leaving the house, carrying
a bottle of cold water)
Akane:(Running after him) Hey, you aren't planning on
taking that freak on alone, are you?
Ranma:Stay out of this, it's no concern of yours!
Akane:It is too my concern, as a fellow Mamono Hunter...
Ranma:You are NOT a Mamono Hunter! Leave me be!
(He walks off.)
(We cut to the top of the tower. It has been redesigned,
in a new motif. The columns are now painted eye-wrenching
colors, and Lava lamps adorn all the braizers.)
Kunou:He is coming, I can sense it.
Cloaked Figure:Good. Very good.
(We see Ranma enter the park. He looks at the reconstructed
tower. He opens the door.  He then starts
to walk up the stairs)
Akane:(from behind a tree) Now's my chance! (She runs into
the tower. The doors slam behind her)
Voice:(Laughs) Enter, Mamono Hunters. The time of your
demise is approaching. (More laughter)
(Ranma keeps walking up the stairs)
Ranma:What can't this place have an elevator? It did last
Akane:(About 4 flights behind him. Ranma can't see him.)
Damn all these stairs!
(Scene:The top of the tower)
Kunou:(Looking at his Rolex) What is keeping them?!
Cloaked-Figure:Patience, my son. Patience.
(We see some more scenes of Ranma and Akane climbing.)
Cloaked-Figure:Aw, screw it! I'm going to the Seven-Eleven
and get a slurppie. Don't wait up. (He floats off the edge
of the tower, and plummets. Kunou runs to the side and looks
Voice from off the tower:Don't worry, I'm all right!
(Ranma finally reaches the top. He finds that the door
leading out to the roof is locked)
Ranma:Oh well, guess I'll have to go home now.
(Suddenly, the doors melt.)
Kunou:Saotome, long have I awaited this day.
Ranma:(Goes through the door) Bite me, Kunou.
Kunou:If you insist. (He reveals some fangs, and runs after
Ranma:I was just kidding!
(Cut to the stairs)
(Cut back to the roof. Ranma kicks Kunou in the head and
knocks him down)
Kunou:So, that's the way you wanna' play it? Well... (Spits
out some teeth) I'd be happy to oblige ya', pilgrim!
Soul-bokken, appear! (That same, evil looking bokken
Ranma:Not again....Alright, it appears I have no choice.
(Cut back to Ranma. He pops the cork)
Ranma:I can hold no enemity against those concerned with
evil. But to those vile beings who toy with the hearts of
men, and eat our doughnuts, since the times of ancient gods,
we have been your destroyers. (Dumps the cold water on
himself) 108th Generation Mamono Hunter Ranma Saotome is
here, beware!
Kunou:I must say, Saotome, you're very cute as a girl. Too
bad I have to kill you.
Ranma-Chan:Die, jerk-off!
(Cut to Akane)
Akane:(Gasp!) Finally here! (She passes out)
Kunou:You don't take me seriously, Saotome. Fine, die as
you have lived, a fool. (He cracks the Soul Bokken on her
head, she falls down)
Ranma-Chan:Damn you.....Fierce Tiger Domineering! (The Ki-
Bolt knocks Kunou back, but he keeps on coming. Ranma slowly
gets to his feet.) Hiryuu Shoutenha! (The Column blast
knocks Kunou back, but he's coming again!)
Kunou:Nothing can stop me now, ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!
Ranma-Chan:You're just not human!
(The fight continues, Ranma gets in some solid blows, but
Kunou is just basically beating the shit out of him.
Finally, he falls down on the ground, out for the count)
Kunou:And now, I will do to you the worst thing that a man
can do to a woman! (He reaches down and.....grabs Ranma's
Ranma:Stop, no, please...don't!
Kunou:Hahaha! (He starts to flip through it) A picture of
your mother? Really Saotome, you have to get out more often.
Ranma:You bastard!
Kunou:She is kind of cute though. I hear she's really easy
to. I have a half-mind to take a crack at her when she gets
Akane:Uuuhhh.... (She is slowly coming back)
Kunou:Let's see what else we have here....A picture of
Ayukawa Madoka? Haha, you're such an anime-whore Saotome!
Akane:Gotta' get that... vial..... (She reaches down to
where it has fallen, about a foot away, without Kunou
Kunou:Hmmm.What's this? Saotome, I never knew you were 25.
Hmmm, I never knew your name was Kasuga Kyouske either.
Come now, Saotome, you could have thought of a better name
to put on your false ID than that!
Ranma:Stop it, this is humiliating!
(Akane's hand is slowly reaching towards the vial)
Kunou:Let's see how much money you have! Hmmm..only 2600
Yen? What, did you spend most of your money on blackmailing
fees to Nabiki?
Akane:(Whispers) Got it! (She pulls the vial towards her)
Kunou:Well, enough with this. (He throws the wallet onto
the ground. He puts the soul bokken to Ranma's throat)
Know this, Grey-haired one, after I cut out your heart, I
will put your children under my knife and...... (He whips
out a script and looks over it) Sorry, that was my part in
the animated version of "The Last Of The Mohicans". Anyway,
after I kill you, I'm going to take your credit card and
run up quite a tab in Tokyo's red light district, won't that
be fun?
Akane:Not so fast, hentai!
(He looks over, Akane is standing against the wall with the
vial in her hands)
Akane:Please, Buddha, God, Yaweah, Ronald Reagen, whoever,
help me!!!!!!!! (She pours the vial over her. She increase
3 Inches in height, and her skirt gets a LOT shorter)
Kunou:No...Not another one!
Akane:'Eh, what's this? (Indicating a glowing light near
her right hand. It forms into a Soul Katana) Wow!
Akane:Die! (Akane leaps forward, slashing fouriously with
the Soul Katana)
Kunou:Ah, why do I always get the cute ones...Oh well. Die!
(He leaps forward and slams the bokken down, in an attempt
to cleave Akane's skull.)
Akane:Not so fast! (She slams the Soul Katana into the Soul
Bokken, producing sparks. Ranma starts to come around)
Ranma:That girl is not cute......
Akane:While, just don't sit there!
Ranma:(Getting up, he's a little unsteady) Fine.....
(Akane makes some more slices with the Soul Katana. Kunou is
finding it a little hard to keep up.)
Ranma:I wish I had one of those.....
Kunou:Fine, have it your way. (Draws the bokken up, we hear
distant thunder) Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
(Akane's getting rather beat up by this, she collapases
after about 90 blows from the Soul Bokken)
Akane:Damn it...he's too fast....
Ranma:(Thought) Oh, please. The Tenshin Amagurkian is 100
times faster then that
Kunou:Now, the Coup De Grace. Hahahahaha!!!!!! (He prepares
for a death lunge)
Ranma:No!!!!!!! (He rams into Kunou and grabs the Bokken)
Hiryuu Shoutenha! (The whirlwind knocks Kunou about twenty
feet away, he lands on the other side of the roof.)
Kunou:Lucky shot, let's see you try that again.
Ranma:(To Akane) Are you alright?
Akane:DO I LOOK ALRIGHT?!!!! (She looks like Hell.)
Kunou:Die!!!!! (He is closing in on them fast.)
Ranma:Here, let me borrow this. (He grabs Akane's Soul
Ranma:You will not survive this day, Tatewaki Kunou!
Kunou:(Dropping his guard) You will refer to me as Sempai!
Ranma:(Thought) Haha, sucker. (Holds the Soul Katana in one
hand and jumps right in front of Kunou) Tenshin Amagurikan!
(1,200 sword slashes later, Kunou is lying on the ground,
bleeding from about as many sword wounds.)
Ranma:It seems you lose again. (Throws the Soul Katana back
to Akane) Akane, thank you.
Akane:You aren't welcome, get your own!
Kunou:(Shallow laughter)
Ranma:What the devil are you laughing about?
Kunou:Well met, Saotome. My compliments to your subordinate
Kunou:We will meet again, Saotome. But not in this world.
Well, actually, in this WORLD, but it will be quite different
than what it is now.
Ranma:What the hell are you talking about?
Kunou:A brave new world....Ruled only by darkness and chaos.
If anyone can do it.....he can.
(Yes, I stole that from BGC! 1)
Ranma:(Grabbing him) Answer me, you bastard! (It's too late,
he's already dead.)
Akane:Who do you think he was talking about?
Ranma:I have no idea.
Voice:Me, of course.
(They swirl around. Lounging on the altar is a cloaked
Ranma:Who are YOU?
Man:He's right, you know. Destiny is on my side. I shall
create a new world, and build it on the ashes of the old!
Ranma:Not if we stop you first!
Man:Tsk, tsk, tsk. It is not right for Mankinds last hope
to be so arrogant. Oh well. It doesn't matter anyway. Good
bye. I will see you again, of course. Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
(He vanishes into thin air)
Akane:Who WAS that?
Ranma:YOU THINK *I* KNOW?!!!!
Akane:You didn't have to snap at me!
Ranma:I wouldn't snap if you didn't ask such stupid
Akane:Why you little......
(We pan up to the stormy sky, as we hear sounds of utter
violenece coming from the top of the tower.)
                 To  Be Continued.......
The author would like to thank the following people.....
The guy who bagged my groceries the other day.
The policeman that arrested him.
That guy on the street who gave me a quarter the other day.
The guy who invented Cadbury Creme Eggs.
Coming Soon;
Ranma 1/2:The Crys Saga #19
Mamono Hunter Ranma 1/2:Final Ranma (#3)

--->Begin Mamono Hunter Ranma 1/2 #3:Final Ranma
Author's Note:The first two parts of this short series are
avaiable from .
   Three Doughnuts for Otakus, under the roof,
   Seven Doughnuts for the fans of the Dirty Pair
   Nine Doughnuts for the horseshoes, under the hoof,
   One Doughnut for the Dark Lord on his dark chair.
   In the land of Nerima where the shadows lie.
   One Doughnut to rule them all, one Doughnut to find them,
   One Doughnut to bring them all, and in the darkness
   bind them, in the land of Nerima where the shadows lie.
Pinky:What's that noise, Brain?
Brain:It's J.R.R. Tolkien turning in his grave.
                   MAMONO HUNTER RANMA 1/2 III
3a: Kodachi the Hellspawn.
(We see the tower in Furinkan park, this time it is truly
falling apart. We cut to the top, where the dead body of
Kunou lies. He suddenly comes back to life)
Kunou:Dunkin' Doughnuts, why have you forsaken me?
(He dies, again, the entire tower crashes down. We cut to
Ranma having a dream)
Nene:Oh, Ranma....You're so strong, and so brave! I've
always liked men like you!
(Come on men, we all have dreams like that....Don't we?)
Ranma:Well, why don't you come back to my place and....
Akane:Ranma no baka!
Ranma:(Turns around and sees Akane approaching) Uh-oh.
Akane:How dare you flirt with this...airhead?!!
Nene:Shut up, bitch! I bet you don't know the four forces of
interaction in quantum physics!
Akane:Uh.....Actually, I don't. (Turning red) But I'm sure
you don't know either!
Nene:Heh-heh. (Cracks knuckles) Gravitation, Electro-
magnetism, strong and weak radiation sources.
Ranma:Wow, what a woman!
(We cut to the real world. The author is sitting at his
computer with a lovesick expression on his face. But, wait,
we aren't supposed to see the real world!)
On Screen Writing:Sorry, Film Broke.
(While the film is being repaired we see two animated crows
sitting next to each other.)
Crow #1:Hey Jim.
Crow #2:Yeah, John?
Crow #1:What did John Lennon say at his wedding?
Crow #2:I dunno, what?
Crow #1:Ono, what have I done?
Both Crows:(Laughing)
(Author's note:If you don't get it, say that punchline out
On Screen Writing:Film repaired
(We cut to Ranma's bedroom. Ranma is sleeping, and Akane is
sitting on top of his chest)
Akane:(Singing quietly) Sit on my face, and tell me that you
love me.....
(Suddenly Ranma sits up and knocks Akane to the ground)
Ranma:Why the Hell were you sitting on me while I was sleep-
(Author's Note:That's a good question. In MHY3, Azusa is
sitting on top of Yohko while she sleeps. Anybody have the
SLIGHTEST idea why that is?)
Akane:It was in the script, you dork!
Ranma:(Looks to screen) Okay, Chris, I think we've done
enough of that kind of humor, let's get back to the more
traditional kind.
Chris:(From the real world) Hai!
(We cut to "The Dark Kingdom". Which is actually a corner
office in New York. It does have several very errie props
Kodachi:Very interesting props.
Man-In-Shadows:(At his desk. It seems the shadows follow him
everywhere he goes.) Thank you. They had a sell-out sale
when the first Sailor Moon series ended.
Kodachi:Cool. (Examining a stone column closely) Anyway,
why did you call me here?
MIS:I have a job for you.
Kodachi:Oh, really?
Kodachi:Does it involve a guy with a ponytail?
Kodachi:All right, Anavel Gato, here I come!
MIS:No, the other guy with the ponytail.
(We cut to Nerima, Akane is walking on the sidewalk, and
Ranma is walking on the fence)
Akane:So, if the cordial detects which creature in nature
you're most like....You become a girl, so......
Ranma:Shut up! When you douse yourself with cold water, you
turn into a flashy slut, so what does that say about you?
Akane:At least I don't turn into a member of the opposite
Ranma:Oh, but you do!
Akane:Why you.... (Knocks him off the fence, he falls into
the drainage ditch)
Ranma-C:Uncute Tomboy! Swindler! Deep Space 9 lover!
Akane:Alright, that's it, die!
(She jumps down into the ditch as well, and turns into
Akane-K (Akane-Kawaii))
Ranma-C:Oooh, I'm soooo scared.
Akane:Soul Katana, appear!
(It appears.)
Ranma-C:Shishi Houkoudan!
(Akane is able to block the entire Ki-blast with the soul
Akane:Ha! A futile attempt. It seems you're all bells and
whistles. Pbbbbbb!!!
Ranma-C:Oh yeah? Tenshin Amaguriken!
(This fight continues for some while, then we pan up the
hill, where the shadow and Kodachi are looking at that)
Kodachi:How do you do that? We're in direct sunlight, and
you still have that shadowy appearence.
Shadowy Guy:That's because I'm using a changeling net.
Kodachi:Ah....yeah, whatever. Anyway, why do we bother with
these two? Leave them alone and they'll eventually kill
each other without our aid.
SG:Yes, but it would take too long. And there wouldn't be
any plot.
Kodachi:Oh, yeah.
(They walk off the hill, leaving Ranma-C and Akane-K to their
fates. They walk down the streets of Nerima, they finally
reach the cursed bank)
SG:Here is where we strike. I want you to take over the
cursed bank.
SG:Because you can make all the checks in town bounce! And
once we having bouncing checks, we can take over the world.
Kodachi:You really need help, you know that?
(We cut to Ranma and Akane, who are still fighting in the
ditch. Gosunkugi is walking on the sidewalk above.)
Gosunkugi:(Hearing noises) What's that?
(He goes over and looks down into the ditch. We see Akane-K
and Ranma-C fighting each other in their Mamono Hunter forms
,WET, and with huge fissures in their clothing. )
Gosunkugi:This is....too much....(Blood runs out of his nose,
and he keels over on the pavement.)
Ranma-C:Did you hear something?
Akane-K:Just the sound of one hand clapping. (Smack)
(Author's Note:I saw this in a manga once, it never made
very much sense in that context. Anyone know what it means?)
(Ranma-C and Akane-K keep fighting, and then suddenly, a
troop of long haired holligans wearing tye-died shirts with
peace symbols all over come over. They start singing)
Leader:Come on people, now smile on your brother. Everyone
get together and love one another right now!
(Ranma-C and Akane-K stop fighting. Then 50 anvils fall on
top of the hippies. God, I hate hippies!)
Akane-K:Until next time.
(Author's Note:Pax is Latin for 'peace'. So Pax ex asinus
would mean "Peace of ass".)
(We cut back to the real world. The door to the computer
room is knocked open, and several people in odd looking
uniforms enter)
Officer:Chris Schumacher? I.E. Kensu,
Chris:The same. How can I help you officers?
Officer:You just went over the edge, son. That last joke
was in VERY poor taste. In the past four months, you have
broken ever SINGLE FanFic ethic. Therefore we are taking you
Chris:Heh-heh. (He starts typing on his computer again)
Officer:(Taking out his gun) Alright, that's enough, step
away from the keyboard!
Chris:Haha, too late! (100 Anvils fall on the officers)
(We cut back to the MHR 1/2 world)
(The doors to the cursed bank open. A green mist fills the
room. Everyone looks around. They all faint. Kodachi enters,
she is in a fur coat and is smoking a cigarette in a holder.)
Kodachi:Well, now let us beginning the casting!
(Suddenly a Gypsy runs in and sets up a table. Then she puts
down a chair and spreads some cards on the table.)
Gypsy:(Putting two cards on the front of the table, one is
a picture of a woman in a witness stand, the other is of
a man working in a soup kitchen) They lord hast bade thee
delieve a purse of uncounted gold coins. On the way to your
destination, you meet a poor beggar. Do you; a)Give him a
coin, knowing that it won't be missed? or b) Passing him
by, knowing that the trust in you was well placed?
Kodachi:(Astounded) Who the Hell are you?
(The Gypsy looks up at Kodachi and scratches her head)
Gypsy:You aren't the Avatar, are you?
Gypsy:My mistake. (She grabs her table and leaves)
Kodachi:Okay, now... (She takes out a piece of chalk and
then proceeds to draw a hexagram on the ground.)
(Author's Note:A hexagram is a six-pointed star in a circle.
Interesting to note that in MHY both evil and good forces
used this symbol.)
Sasuke:Are we ready, mistress?
Kodachi:Be patient, familar!
(She opens a book with the hexagram on the cover)
Kodachi:Come here, familar. I want you to play bookstand.
Sasuke:Oooh, thank you Mistress!
Kodachi:(Reading from the book) Gort! Klattu Barada Nikto!
(The hexagram begins to glow)
Sasuke:It's working, mistress!
Kodachi:Requiem in Pax! Ex Post Facto! E Plubius Unum!
(Slowly a wind grows as Kodachi is chanting. All the deposit
slips, checks, and pieces of paper in the bank start to
turn into a whirlwind, with the center being in the center
of the hexagram)
Kodachi:(Raising her voice over the howl of the wind) Coitus
Interuptus! Pax es asinus!
(The pieces of paper are all covered in a green mist.)
Sasuke:Heh-heh,heh-heh. Cool. Yeah, mist,mist! Heh-heh.
(Suddenly, the wind stops, and all the pieces of paper fly
back to their original position. Kodachi rubs the hexagram
off the floor and leaves. The mist dissapates, and the people
regain consicouness. They start to go about their business.)
Man reading Newspaper:I can't believe this, the baseball
strike hasn't stopped yet!
Other man:Jerks, won't give an inch. Spoiled crybabies!
Teller:I'm sorry sir, but your account is empty!
Man:What do you mean, empty?
Teller:I just looked it up on the computer, and you withdrew
all the money yesterday!
Beavis:Heh,heh,heh. Early withdrawl. Heh,heh,heh.
(This continues for a few minutes, then a riot is about to
begin, a familar looking character jumps on top the counter
and starts yelling)
Man:Calm down, calm down! You don't understand! We don't have
your money here! It's in Bob's yacht, and my new car! We
don't keep your money safe, her-schaw!
Passive-Observer:This "It's a Wonderful Life" parody doesn't
seem to be working.
(We cut to the next morning. Ranma is getting up and he
suddenly hears screaming outside)
Nabiki:Let me go, you jerks!
Policeman:No way, Miss. You bounced 16 checks yesterday,
we'll have to take you in.
Nabiki:No, I didn't, I swear!
Policeman:Yeah, that's what they all say!
(He takes her away.)
(We cut to half and hour later. Ranma and Akane are watching
the news)
Anchor:Today the Nerima district experienced a shock when
the bottom fell out of the Cursed Bank. Local authorties
have arrested more than 50 suspects who they believe had
something to do with the incident at the bank.
(The scene cuts to right outside the Cursed Bank, there is
a riot going on, and police in riot helmets are trying to
calm them down)
Various Noise:I want my money! I want my mommy! I want my
Mummy! I want my Nancy! I didn't inhale! Feed to the birds,
toppings, toppings! Shut up!
(We cut back to the breakfast table)
Ranma:It's such a shame when things like that happen. People
aren't content with what they have, and try to steal from
others. (Notices that Akane is not looking at her food,
Ranma quickly trys to snag her eggroll, but she turns around
and pounds him with the hammer she pulled from Hammerspace)
Akane:Ranma no Baka!
(They start fighting again)
(We cut back to the Cursed Bank. People are still fighting.
The Shadow Guy is sitting on the top of the bank, laughing)
SG:Yes, Negative energy! I love it! I haven't felt this good
since I left New York!
(We cut back to Ranma's apartment)
Ranma:This situation is getting out of control.
Akane:Are you suggesting we do something?
(Suddenly the phone rings. Ranma goes and picks it up)
(It split-screens. On the other side, we see Genma-Panda)
Genma:(Panda Noises)
Ranma:Grandfather? Is that you?
Genma:(More Panda noises)
Ranma:Don't call as a Panda!
(Genma pours hot water on himself)
Genma:Grandson, I have a very bad feeling about this incident
at the Cursed Bank.
Ranma:How would you know about it? You're all the way over in
China, for cripes sake!
Genma:Well, we have to move the story along!
Ranma:Then why didn't you just come home at the start of the
Genma:I don't want to leave China!
Ranma:Alright, alright. Me and Akane will go find out.
Ranma:Don't you even want to know who Akane is?
Genma:I know who Akane is! (He holds up a manga. It reads
"Mamono Hunter Ranma 1/2 #2")
Ranma:Fine. (CLick!)
Akane:What's that about?
Ranma:My grandfather wants me to find out what's going down
at the Cursed Bank.
Akane:Fine, let's get going.
(They both leave.)
(We cut to the Cursed Bank, the fighting has esclated. People
are fighting with swords now.)
Ranma:This is insane, stop fighting!
Man:Don't knock it 'til you tried it, bub!
(He tries to slash Ranma, but misses)
Akane:This looks bad.
Ranma:You really have a grip on the obvious.
Akane:Shut up!
Ranma:There's only one way to take care of this.
Akane:Alright! (She picks up a hose and prepares to turn it
Ranma:No, not like that.
(He pulls out a tray that is filled with Akane's cooking,
he throws it into the crowd. Within five minutes, everyone
is either puking or lying comatose on the ground)
Ranma:As good as tear gas, I always say!
Ranma:Not that that's taken care of.....
(Suddenly, the green mist fills the scene again, and Kodachi
comes out)
Ranma:God, that woman has REALLY got to change perfumes!
Kodachi:Ranma Saotome, I presume?
Kodachi:The last Mamono Hunter of the line. What a pleasure
it is to meet you!
Kodachi:(Looking at Akane) I see you brouhgt your little
subordinate with you. Pleased to meet you as well.
Akane:Why you.....
Ranma:Are you responsible for all this?
Kodachi:Was it THAT obvious? Yes, I must admit, I do have
a trademarked style.
(We cut to a can marked "Knock-Out Gas. TM Kodachi Kunou")
Ranma:You are EVIL!
Kodachi:And you are REALLLLY cute, you know that!
Ranma:Why you.......really? You think so?
(Akane turns the hose on him)
Akane:Is he so cute now, demon woman?
Ranma-C:That was cold!
Kodachi:Well, it's too bad. I guess I'll have to kill you
now. (She tears off her fur coat, to reveal her leotard.)
Soul Ribbon, appear!
(A dark cloud appears by her hand, lengethen and forms into
a battle ribbon)
Ranma-C:Oooh, a ribbon! (Valley Girl impression)I'm like,
so scared!
Kodachi:Be afraid, be very afraid! (She starts to twirl it,
Ranma jumps at her) Ribbon Vortex! (It forms into a vortex,
and paralyzes him. She holds out her other hand) Spirit
Pin, appear! (In her other hand, a pin appears. She throws
it, it hits Ranma and knocks him out of the vortex onto the
Ranma-C:Too many.....tricks...
Akane:Ranma! (She gets a determined look on her face, and
sprays herself with the hose. She transforms into Akan-
Kodachi:(Looking Akane-K over) Been watching a bit too much
Sailor Moon, have me?
Akane-K:Soul Katana, appear! (The Soul Katana appears in her
right hand) Die! (She leaps at Kodachi, Kodachi whips up the
Kodachi:Ribbon Vortex! (But before she has a chance, Akane
slices downward, and chops up the ribbon.) My....My ribbon!
Akane:You should have sentimental attachtments to such items,
Kodachi: (Looks at her with cool, calculating, hatred)
Alright, Akane Tendo, if that is the way you want to play it.
Soul Hoop, appear! (Another object appears out of nothingness.
Somewhere in Heaven. Albert Einstein scratches his head, and
considers that the law of conservation of matter may not be
so true after all)
Ranma-C:Not so fast! Shishi Houkoudan! (The Ki blasts makes
the hoop disintegrate. Kodachi looks at in horror)
Kodachi:I knew I shouldn't have bought these from K-Mart!
Ranma-C:Shop smart, shop S-Mart!
(Army of Darkness joke)
(The battle continues for roughly 3 minutes of air time. Then
it seems that Kodachi is beginning to get the upper hand)
Ranma-C:There's no way! Even working together, she can beat
both of us.
Akane-K:Wait, I know a way.
Kodachi:Die! (She throws a pin at Akane, Akane jumps out of
the way.)
Akane-K:Do you rememeber hearing of a technique, that would
allow two people to fight as one?
Ranma-C:Yeah, I think I saw it on an episode of
something on TV.
Akane-K:I think we should try it.
Ranma-C:I don't remember it that well.
Akane-K:It doesn't matter, we'll die anyway!
Ranma-C:Fine, let's do it!
(Kodachi comes charging.)
Kodachi:Die, die, die, why won't you die!
(Wasn't that a line in Spartacus? Just wondering...)
Akane-K&Ranma-C:Gattai Gekiryuu Moushin! (Suddenly, the two
fight as one. Kodachi doesn't have a chance as Akane-Ranma
rip her to shreds. She lies on the ground bledding. She
stares up at them.)
Kodachi:You think you've won, but I won't be defeated! Even
if it takes me a thousand years, I will get even!
Akane-K:As if!
Ranma-Akane:I think it is about time we unmerged. Hai!
(They unmerge)
Kodachi:I shall see you in the next life....
Ranma-C:In a world ruled only by Chaos and Darkness? If
anyone can do it, HE can? That one?
Kodachi:You've heard it before?
Ranma-C:Of course!
Kodachi:And I suppose you want to know who "he" is, don't
Akane-K:We'll find out eventually. So don't bother.
Kodachi:Oh, come on, ask me!
Ranma-C:No thanks, my mom and grampa are coming back tonight,
so I have to go greet them, no time.
Kodachi:Wait, I'll tell you, just wait a minute.....
Akane-K:See you later.....Kodachi Kunou!
(The screen fades to black. We cut back to the really world.)
Chris:Excellent BGC6 like ending! (He continues to type)
Written By:Chris Schumacher
The author would like to thank the following;
That guy who gave me a quarter.
The guy who invented baby-back ribs.
That guy who wrote "Death Place"
The entire cast and crew of Quantum Leap
The guy who invented Ultimate Frisbee/Frisbee Football

Begin ----> Mamono Hunter Ranma 1/2 #3:Final Ranma (b)
Note:All previous episodes avaiable from
                  MAMONO HUNTER RANMA 1/2
                  Episode III:Final Ranma
                 Part 3b:In Nerima Find Me.
(We cut to the office of the Shadow Guy. He is sitting at
his desk, stewing silently)
SG:If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.
Ranma Saotome, you will die this day. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
(We cut to Nerima. We see the inside of Ranma's apartment.
The door opens, and Nodoka and Genma enter)
Genma:Ranma, we're home!
(Leaving the living room, Akane and Ranma enter the foyer.)
Nodoka:Who's this? (Indicating Akane)
Ranma:This is.....
Akane:(Cutting him off) I'm Akane Tendo, Mamono Hunter... training.
(Akane gives him a glare that would melt stone.)
Nodoka:ANOTHER Mamono Hunter? What is this world coming to?
Ms. Tendo, are you telling me you are 16, and you still
haven't had sex?
Akane:What does that have to do with it?!!
Genma:(Wearing half-moon glasses and holding a HUGE tome in
his hands). Right here (Reading) "Any candidate for Mamono
Hunterhood must follow the three tenants; 1>They must not
have particapated in any evil in the past 2> They must be
a virgin until they assume full status. (They can, however
sleep around as much as they wish AFTER) 3> They must
believe that glazed doughnuts are the only good kind, and
all the other flavors suck". (Slams shut the book)
Ranma:(Laughing) You really need to get out more, Akane!
Akane:And how old were YOU when YOU became a Mamono Hunter?
Ranma:(Stops laughing)
Nodoka:(In disgust) Kids these days, think they're going to
live forever, ha!
(He storms off into the kitchen)
Akane:You have a very odd mother.
Ranma:Tell me about it.
(We cut a cliff outside of Nerima, the shadow-guy is standing
at the top and looking down at it.)
Shadow-Guy:(Crossing his legs and shaking) I've really got
to go to the bathroom!
(We cut to Genma's study. Genma is searching through the
stacks while Akane and Ranma are sitting on a couch)
Ranma:How could Kunou have returned? He fell off the top of
Furinkan Tower, I saw his body, he was dead!
Genma:(He pulls a book out of the shelf and blows the dust
off it) Just because someone dies doesn't mean that some
half-wit, no talent author can't bring them back. (We notice
that the volume he is holding is the softcover compiliation
of "Dark Empire") But, besides bad writing, I think I found
the answer. (He puts the book back in the bookcase, and goes
over to the computer and hits F1. A screen of information
appears, Akane and Ranma go over to see what its about)
Ranma:(Surverying the screen) I don't get it.
Genma:Here. (He points to a section on the screen about 3/4
Akane:(Reading) Althought it has only been done once, it is
possible at the time of the conjuction for there not only
to be a Dark King, but a Prince as well. Hmm?
Genma:The purpose of the Dark Prince is to take over in case
the Dark King is killed. It is my belief that this Dark
Prince was the one who brought Kunou back to life.
Ranma:But there couldn't be a Dark Prince! I was there at
the ceremony, it was just me, him, and Ukyo, no one else!
Genma:The coronation ceremony for a Dark Prince must take
place apart from the Dark King one. It is my belief that
somewhere, out there, he's waiting for us.
Ranma:And you think he's behind the Kodachi incident as
Genma:It wouldn't surprise me.
Akane:Ranma, do you remember that guy, who was cloaked in
Shadows, at the top of Furinkan Tower?
Ranma:Yeah! The guy who stole that quote from BGC! 1!
Genma:You actually encountered him?!!
Genma:And you allowed him to get away?!
Ranma:Well, we tried to fight him, but he got away before
we even had a chance to try to stop him.
Akane:Although he did say that a battle between us was
Ranma:So, all we have to do is wait.
Akane:But for how long?
Voice:Not long.
(They all look around, startled. The voice is coming from
the computer. The screen darkens and we see a black shape
sillhouted against the background)
Genma:It's him!
D-Prince:The time for a show-down has come. I will fight all
three of you at field #2 of Furinkan High School at
exactly 11:00 PM JDT. If you are not there,
Genma,Akane&Ranma:There will be, quite literally, hell to
D-Prince:I've got to get a new speech writer....(The screen
fades back to normal)
Genma:It might be a trap.
Ranma:Of course it's a trap!
(Suddenly, the screen goes to static, and an image of a red
face appears)
Guardian:So, Avatar, the moment of truth has come! You can
destroy the Black Gate but you'll never get back to your
beloved Earth, or you can go through now. It's your choice.
(Everyone is looking at the screen oddly) None of you are
the Avatar by any chance, are you? (They all shake their
heads) Damn. Sorry about this. (The screen returns to
Akane:That's been happening a lot lately.
Ranma:Tell me about it.
Genma:What time is it?
Ranma:(Looking at watch) 3:00 PM.
Genma:I guess we'll have to wait.....
(It jumps ahead to 10:58 PM. We see Furinkan Park. We see
Akane,Ranma,and Genma walking towards the park, they are
each carrying a bucket of water.)
Akane:What time is it?
Ranma:(Pushing the IndiGLO button on his watch) 10:59.
Genma:Good, we got here just in time.
(They find a bench and sit down, placing the buckets of
water on the ground next to them. Time slowly ticks to
11:00. We hear a far away clock chiming)
Voice:You have come. Ranma and Genma Saotome, Akane Tendo.
You are the last Mamono Hunters. The long battle between
darkness and light shall end this night.
Genma:Yes, but not in your favor! Ranma, Akane, ready?
Akane&Ranma:(Buckets on the ready) Hai!
Genma:I can hold no enemity against those concerned with
evil, but to those vile being who toy with the hearts and
souls of men, since the time of ancient gods, we have
been your destroyers. (They all dump water on themselves.)
Genma:[107th Generation of Mamono Hunters, Genma Saotome,
is here!]
Ranma:The 108th Generation of Mamono Hunters, Ranma Saotome,
is also here.
Akane:Akane Tendo, Mamono Hunter Free-lancer, is here!
Voice:(Laughter) So much like moths, drawn to the flame.
Very well, approach the sandbox, I shall wait for you there.
Ranma:But the sandbox is on the other side of the park!
Akane:Stop complaining, let's go!
(They move to the other side of the park, it takes a long
time, and they have trouble finding their way because the
streetlights have mysteriously gone out. They finally reach
their destination)
D. Prince:Long have I waited for this moment.
Ranma:Who are you?
D. Prince:Haven't you figured that out by now? Well, I'll
show you. (He reaches down to about his chest, and taps a
few shrouded keys. His image flickers, and the shroud of
shadows dissapates)'s you!
Ranma:I can't believe it's.....
Genma:[Dan Rather!]
Rather:You don't think all I do is announce the news do you?
I DO have a life outside the news studio, you know. Well,
prepare to die. Soul Axe, appear!
(A black,sleek axe appears in Dan's hand)
Akane:Soul Katana, appear!
(It appears)
Genma:[Soul Sign, appear!]
(It appears)
Rather:Destiny is in our favor. You cannot win.
Genma:[We shall see. ATTACK!]
(The trio converge on Dan Rather. He jumps out of the sandbox
and lands on the branches of a nearby tree.)
Ranma:He's rather agile for a middle-aged newscaster.
(He leaps out of the tree with the soul-axe drawn. Akane
jumps out of the way in time, but not without cleaving her
Akane:Damn you, hentai! (She runs at him, full force, and
lunges at him with the soul katana, it slashes a long gash
into his arm)
Rather:Ow! (He holds grabs the part of his arm that was
cut with his other hand) You stupid bitch! (He takes another
slice at her, but she moves out of the way. But before she
has the chance to respond, he moves back and slams the back
of the axe into her head, knocking her out cold)
Ranma:Damn you!!!!!!!!!
Genma:[Do not give into anger, that leads to the dark side!]
Ranma:Shut up, this isn't Star Wars! Shishi Houkoudan!
(A huge blue Ki bolt explodes from Ranma's hands and
envelopes Dan Rather. He is being torn asunder from the
Rather:I have not begun to fight! (He runs forward, slicing
the air with the Soul Axe.)
Ranma:Shishi Houkoudan! (He burns him up some more. Rather
falls to the ground)
Genma:[Finish Him!]
Ranma:Not, I am not a murderer.
Genma:[Fine, I'll do it.] (Genma runs forward and start to
rapidly attack Dan Rather with the signpost.)
Rather:No, stop!
Genma:(Panda Laughter)
Rather:Don't make me........MORS FLUCTUS!*
(*-Death Wave)
(A black wind jumps forth and attacks Genma, throwing him to
the ground.)
Ranma:Grandfather! (He runs over to him.)
Rather:This isn't over, Mamono Hunters! I shall return, even
MORE powerful, and the entire universe shall quake at my
might! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! (He dissapears)
(We see Akane sprawled out, unconsious, on the ground, and
we see Ranma knelling over his catatonic father. The scene
fades to black)
(It fades back up. We see Genma (Human) lying in a bed, his
skin is a pasty white, and his eyes are blood-shot)
Genma:We failed.....Even now, the dark poison is flowing
through me...
Ranma:Is there no way to stop it?
Genma:The only way would be to defeat the Dark Prince. The
hole between our dimensions would be sealed, and all Demon
work would return to the realm of the Mamonos.
Ranma:But how could we do that? We used our best techniques
against him, and it didn't even slow him down!
Genma:There is a defeat him..But I will not teach
it to you.
Ranma:Why not?!!
Genma:It requires a great sacrifice.
Ranma:I don't care what it is, I must defeat him.
Genma:Grandson, you don't have to do this on my account....
Ranma:No! This isn't about you...
Genma:Then what?
Ranma:Ukyo....I must get revenge on them for what they did
to Ukyo!
Genma:If you use this will die.
Ranma:(Looks solemn. Nods) Then I die. But I will not allow
the world to be taken over by that.....talking head! You
will teach me?
(Dramatic Music)
(We see the office of Dan Rather. He is sitting at his desk
cleaning out his nails with his Soul Axe. Suddenly, there
is a beep from his intercom.)
Rather:(Hitting the button) What is it?
Secretary:There is a Mr. Ranma Saotome to see you.
Rather:(Devious Smile) Hmmph! Send him in. (He takes his
feet down off the desk and puts his Soul Axe into a desk
drawer. The door opens and Ranma enters. He is not in his
Mamono Hunter form) Ranma, nice to see you again!
Ranma:The feeling isn't mutal.
Rather:(Opens a cigar box and pushes it in the direction of
Ranma) Cigar?
Ranma:Cut the crap, Dan. You know why I'm here.
Rather:Yeah. (He starts to smoke a cigar) Your....(Lights
the cigar) Your Grandfather.
Ranma:Yes. Release the poison from him, and return to your
own dimension.
Rather:Now why would I want to do that?
Ranma:Because your a sensible human being.
Rather:Hahaha!! That's a good one! (He sees that Ranma is
serious) Look, I may have been born a human being, but I
gave up all humaness with my mortality.
Ranma:I know there is still a shread of the real Dan Rather
left in that empty and meaningless soul of yours!
Rather:Dan needed me, even more than I needed him. Before I
helped him out, he was little more that a Casper Milktoast,
now....Together we shall rule the world.
Ranma:No your not.
Rather:And who's going to stop me? You? Hahahaha!!!!!!!
Ranma:(He goes over to the bar and opens up the ice bucket.)
Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. (He dumps the Ice Bucket all
over himself. He turns into Ranma-C.)
Rather:I am very dissapointed in you. You could have helped
us, we would have made a great team.
Ranma-C:Shut up, prepare to die!
Rather:Fine, but on my own terms. (Suddenly, the office
around them shimmers. They are now in the demon plane)
I rule here, Soul Axe, appear!
Ranma-C:An Tym!
(Suddenly, Dan Rather is frozen in mid-lunge. The time stop
spell worked)
Ranma-C:Dark Prince, for your countless crimes, and for the
mortal-wounding of my Grandfather, I banish you to your
own realm, and shall seal the gate between our two worlds
Rather:If you do not, you will never be able to return!
Ranma-C:I know. But I don't plan to leave this place, alive
or otherwise. Because, unlike you Mamonos, we humans under-
stand that sometimes we must sacrifice ourselves for a great
calling. Feel our might, and despair of life, for your
chances of victory and ended forever this day.
(She places her hands in front of her in a praying position,
she chants slowly. A blue aura surrounds her, and continues
(The blue energy explodes forth in a wave that is the
equivalent of a nuclear blast. Dan Rather screams as his
body is blown away in the terrible wind. A lingering pale
red ghost is left behind in his place, but even that fades.
Soon, the wind dies down, and Ranma-C is alone)
Ranma-C:(Falling to her knees) Ukyo....we...did it. (He
falls over onto the stone floor, dead. The temple changes
back into the office, and there is no sign of Dan Rather)
(We see several images of the following days. The Saotome
family in mourning, Akane crying freely, Nodoka shaking her
head, etc...)
Akane Voiceover:We buried Ranma 2 days later. Ranma gave up
his life to save his grandfather, his world, and to get
revenge for the death of his best friend. He also ended the
ages old battle between the Mamonos and the forces of light.
We only wished that he could have been there to enjoy the
new found peace.
                        **THE * END**
(What did you expect, an Iczer-One/Sailor Moon type ending?
Sorry to dissapoint you.)
Author's Notes:This was a fun series to write, and I hope
you enjoyed it too. A few things I think I must explain;
o In the first post, I said that this was inspired by Sailor
Ranma. That is not true. I had kicked the idea around for
quite some time when I discovered that the characters of
Chi and Nabiki were quite interchangable. I kept it on hold,
however, for quite some time because I couldn't figure out
a way for the Female Ranma to be a Mamono Hunter. Unlike
another crossover (I'm not going to say who) I wasn't going
to take out the curses and make Ranma a full-time girl. When
I read Sailor Ranma, I finally figured out how to make this
fanfic series possible.
o The ending is odd, but there is a reason for this. Rumor
has it that the MHY series will end in #5 with Yohko dying,
and Azusa carrying on the torch, I felt that I must convey
this also.
o The reason why I did not use the plots from MHY #2&3 was
because after #1 MHY went down the tubes, IMHO. So I decided
to write MHR1/2 like it SHOULD have been written, with most
of the plots connected to the TRUE Mamonos. Not fighting
some pissed off Kami or free-lance demon.
o After MHY #5, there is going to be another, unconnected
series of MHYs. Does this mean that there's going to be
another MHR1/2 series? Only time will tell.
Chris Schumacher and all the people at TAAC would like to
say: Thank you for reading!
| Coming Soon                       |  The American Anime
|                                   |  Channel/Nose Lampoon
| Urusei Kimagure Orange Yatsura #1 |
|                                   |Chris Schumacher:Prez
| Ranma 1/2:The Outer Darkness Pt. 4|
|                                   |
| Ranma 1/2:The Crys Saga #23       |

Thanks to NCS, Toho Company, LTD., and Mad House for releasing the series in Japan and to AD Vision for bringing the series to North America. Mamono Hunter Yohko is a copyright of NCS, Toho Company, LTD., & Mad House. Devil Hunter Yohko is a copyright of AD Vision. All Images Copyright NCS, Toho Company, LTD., Mad House, and AD Vision.

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